I created this blog probably close to a month ago now, give or take a few weeks. Have I written in it yet? No. Technically now I have, but prior to this moment, I have not. I've thought about it at very convenient times....like when I'm laying in bed at night, trying to do homework (like I'm avoiding now), taking the dog out to potty, awesome times like these. I struggle with what some call "procrastination" or perhaps even "braindead." But here I am, at the urging of my lovely lady Liz, writing a pointless entry into this blog that no one else will probably read, but that will hopefully be the self-therapy that I need to make it through another day with hair intact. Now if only I could figure out how to do this on my phone....it'd be all good.
My idea with this blog was to have an outlet for the insanity in my mind. I work full time, go to school full time, am a wife, a mother of 3, and a step mother of 4 (3 of whom we have custody of). To say I feel like pulling my hair out most of the time is a serious understatement. For years I bought books (I won't lie, most of them didn't get read) and read articles (those I *did* read, they were short!) on how to manage your time, your finances, your family, raise your children, be a good wife, blah blah blah. Now I realize, unless you find someone in your exact circumstance with the same type of brain you have....nothing they say works. To believe that you can read a book and this author's old but revised revelation of how to magically make kids behave or have the house magically clean itself without doing any housework (yep, bought that book, too) will actually work for you is misguided. Nice attempt, but futile.
So I have no ideas. I'm in the middle of chaos. My children are adjusting to his children being around all the time; his children are adjusting to their mom being gone and living with us; they're all continuing to deal with me having very little time with them; and the dog won't stop licking her butt. Do you remember the remake of Cheaper By the Dozen that came out a few years ago and the utter insanity of that house with people running all over, animals going everywhere, laundry piled high, dishes needing to be done, massive amounts of food to feed growing children, yet 2 people in the middle who deeply love each other but get lost in the madness? That's us. I'm losing my family, I'm losing my mind. (Now if only I could lose this gut....)
The good news is: my husband and I will be okay, we'll figure it out, and with any luck our children will come away from this experience as stronger people. There are no book, no articles, there's nothing available to us to show us how to work it all out, but we'll get it eventually. Probably when the last kid finally gets the heck outta dodge, but we'll get it. In the meantime, we'll hope and pray that love, time, and lotsa tickling and hugs will help fill the gaps that the craziness creates. One day we'll look back at this and wish we had it back. Of course, by then our kids will be having kids and we'll beg them to quit asking us to babysit, but still....we'll miss our millions of kids running around fighting over tv shows or video games and squabbling about whether or not someone sneezed on them purposefully or accidentally.
Speaking of craziness...the wind has been insane all day, we're in a tornado watch, and it suddenly got very still outside. Perhaps it's time to start activating the butterflies in the stomach.
Until the next time Liz bugs me to update this....farewell.