Monday, April 18, 2011 bed.

Well, unfortunately, I don't have a fortune cookie to go with that. It's just fun saying it.
As always, I suck at writing. This is meant to be my therapy and yet I'm not good at attending. Certainly hope I can improve this aspect of myself....among others.
Since it's been quite some time since I've written stuff that no one else reads, I'll recap: nothing's changes. Darling step daughter is actually heading in the wrong direction entirely. I know the stress is affecting everyone. I know I'm not dealing well which is further adding to the tension in the home. So to help me cope so I can help the kids cope....I have an appointment with a Dr to be evaluated and hopefully put on an antidepressant. I know it's no miracle cure, there is no fix...but waking up defeated, depressed, fighting tears, and hopeless every day is doing little to encourage and foster an atmosphere of love or allowing me to think clearly about how to handle the issues we face. Admitting you have a problem is the first step....and I definitely do have a problem.
I've realized just how negative I've been lately and will play Pollyanna's Glad Game to change the monotony and turn the focus from the bad stuff to the blessings in life. I am glad that:
* Spring is here. Winter is so depressing. Spring is rejuvenating and happy and I love it!!!
* My children truly are the best things that ever happened to me. I love them more than words could ever express and I'm so proud of them for being such crazy and wonderful individuals! I hope to again be the mother they once knew me to be and can show less frustration and more lightheartedness and fun like they deserve and desperately need.i
* I have a wonderful family and in-laws and feel very blessed to have them in my life.
* Even though I complain about my job and even though I do honestly, strongly dislike it...there are millions who would give their left nut (or ovary?) for a job. I'm thankful I'm not one of them.
* My husband, despite our differences and the stress we're under, is a great person and a genuinely nice guy. Our marriage has been battered, but I do love him very much.
* I am truly blessed to have amazing friends who I can always count on no matter what.
* We're alive, healthy, and going strong. There are many mothers with empty arms and parents crying at the side of their child's hospital bed. We are not those parents. How we are this blessed, I'll never know but will never stop being thankful.
I don't know how to fix my family, I just hope that I can get regulated, start thinking more clearly, and that with time everyone will forgive me for being such a raging b****.
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